FEAR of the UNKNOWN

Do Not Fight the Fear when it comes. Make Friends with its presence. Learn from it. There is Power to be gained.

My heart always starts to beat a little bit faster before that first hit. The fear running through my bones… What if my Room breaks into Lego-like pieces before me and can never be put back together? What if the necklace of memories i wear around my soul is snapped so each precious jewel falls to the ocean below, never able to be retrieved? There is this sense of self breaking under Salvia’s spell.

Is she a witch-doctor or a healer? This i can not tell. I think having a friend present is important because when you meet with Ska Pastora… it is just you, her, and your memories of who you were before that last drag. It feels as if you may not go back to playing your character in Earth’s major drama. As if she may keep you in broken pieces, never to return to your human body again…

I don’t quite understand where the sweating Fear comes from since i am always safely returned to my physical Self, but the chattering of those beings seems eerie to me at times. I don’t know if i have entered a good or an evil spirit… so leaving them with full control of my soul with the ability to drive my consciousness to any lost memory or forgotten feeling is to bow before her like a child to his mother.

Maybe that’s the point. Losing the idea of Self Control. Trusting your soul in Mother’s hand until she places you back in your body again after she shows you what you desperately needed to be shown. Letting live and letting go. “How is any of this possible?” i ask… “Stay calm my child. It is better to experience than to question”… she tells me.

Explore the void.  Fear will pass. You can become the Sun, the Darkness, and the future of the past.

Anything is possible.

Reading From Scriptures

The energy body hidden beneath my skin takes form.

Peeling the skin of a man open like a banana.

The place where lies the creations of my imagination became Reality.

“If the skies were to open up”… I kept repeating over and over…

“It would be You and God and Your memories… Nothing else would Matter.”

I could hear my brothers & sisters calling to me from behind this unseen glass.

Fields of flowers with their colors melting into the skin of the Earth.

There was something familiar about that place…

Like i had only forgotten it to Time’s elongated face…

Chains of thoughts were made from the wildest, unexpected, memory connections,

I followed them, a flowing River into the Speckles of color on Canvas gone grey.

Sinking into the Earth behind me, my body felt like meat or dead weight, Rocky, Relaxed.

I prayed for them to let me Remember him… I was in fear of their mystical Powers.

What were they capable of? How many times had i been here? When would i Live there again?

My awareness floated throughout the transparent World behind my room…

I swam through my thoughts and emotions, Reading from Scriptures of cities lost and new.

Upon my path I stumbled forward. The skies were open. “Only God & You… God & You.”

-Cristoff McGroff-

The World Disappears When I’m With Her

You Are my MiND.

DiViNE.

Honey. Sugar. Cinnamon & Wine.

Your heart was a ViNE.

PEACEFUL.

LOVing. Moving. GRowing along with mine.

To the clouds we’d climb.

HiGHER.

Listening. Whistling. Looking for a Sign…

We forgot about TiME.

Distant Planets.

Singing. Dancing. Keeping Each other Aligned.

-Cristoff McGroff-

ABSINTHE

Watching the sugar cubes

Like ice as they melt,

The taste of a Wizard’s potion,

Licorice of a fairy’s belt.

Looking into the liquid,

I see myself,

As distant as the rain,

As tiny as an elf.

The feeling familiar,

Yet completely indescribable,

A complete change of mental patterns,

A feeling in itself.

My eyes could see into the invisible,

Past the objects to hidden ideas of wealth,

Where the Dreamworld was held in fortune,

Where Reality was Lost in Self.

I threw a party on our iceberg,

Cold blue, sinking into the glass below,

Silver moons & Golden leaves swirling into tornados

Under the dark Green Fairy blanket that covered us both.

-Cristoff McGroff-

Random Input Random Output

The inside of my mind filled with fragmented shapes and broken lines.

The rain dripped in droplets on delicate docks,

A crystal, a pistol, and five crack rocks,

Bunnies with ten fingers, toes, and socks,

Random, Random, Random, two minutes on the clock…

A planet, a sky, a sea made of trees,

A blanket, a tiger, a mouth full of bees,

A munchkin, a blumpkin, a man made of T’s,

Ideas, ideas, much better than these.

I planned it, A planet. I jumped clear over the moon.

I dammed it, the damn IT. I killed the crazy buffoon.

I sensed it, a cents kit. I bought the money too soon.

Four words then back words. A lost puppy by noon.

A splotch,  A blotch. Some green and blue spots.

A smile, A laugh. A giant magical giraffe.

A wave, A wand. The Earth was begun.

A tear, A smear. The Earth was then gone.

-Cristoff McGroff-

Wormholes

In Dreams,

We experience the purest of emotions,

Cutting off all the excess fat of waking reality,

The bones beneath the skin are revealed,

Truth acknowledged where logic discarded.

We live in both worlds,

“As above, so below.”

In Reality,

Trapped inside wormholes.

Portals connected behind butterfly kisses,

Venus speaks in flame-fire and wishes,

Our futures taped in triptamine,

No mortal to stare beyond the sun,

“I was awake. All the time.”

In Memory,

Existed in colored holograms.

I’m a character inside their heads,

What truth if all will end in death?

What answer if all is false instead?

Remember the first time we met,

On a summer’s solstice beneath the sweetest sunset.

In Time,

The Earth shutters,

Breaks apart and comes fully back together.

As of the changing of the weather.

To take a chance to live forever.

Inside a crystal ball,

Where only God knows better.

My Name Begins With Sea

writing my name in the sand to be taken by the ocean…

Chris Crossed the Corroded Caverns.

Criss-Crossed, the Candles Cut out.

Climbing towards Crystalline Castles, Chris walked.

Calculating what Conditions he’d Come across.

For Captain Kiss was a Convincing Kind of Croc.

Completely Confident with a 6 hour Clock,

Conditioned. Concise. Carnivorous.

Cat-like Kee-bug jumped with Cricket-speed,

Constantly Cranking out Kindness his Conscious Cryptic Key.

i stare into my future, destined to follow the sun

–Cristoff Mcgroff-

Frederick the Dinosaur

One Day, in a world where there was no sunlight. A dinosaur named FRED roamed the land in search of the lost tune of Auram. ..

He turned over EVERY rock. Cut open EVERY tree. Ate EVERY egg of fellow dinos and even dino thieves. He drained EVERY drop of water from EVERY sea and cooled off EVERY tar pit of EVERY volcano on the island Zaylis. He had eaten EVERY flower and stomped on EVERY stone. There was nowhere left for little FREDERICK to roam…

So he stopped. Breathed in deep. And moved his little dinosaur arms a little bit closer to his little dinosaur body, where he laid down on his little bed of dust left over from his rampant search across his little planet.

It was then that he Dreamed… his feet kicked up and his nose scrunched in as his thoughts took him to wondrous places of heavenly light and turquoise cities. Fred had found the land of the lost, he had found the key he had been searching for all along! Then BAM!!!

Fred awakens to the dark dusted cloudy land his body had slept in on his tiny bed of Rock, but he is filled with Joy! For He remembers his vision! He has his solution! Fred began to eat himself from the tail up until his mouth disappeared into thin air. He had known the secret all along. He had been humming it in his darkest sleep. He dug deeper until Fred was 10 layers deep in the sunniest valley of his own doing. The place of creation.

He dug deeper and deeper until he had found the prophetic window that showed him all he ever was and ever would become in Auram. A perfect mirror. FREDERICK laid down in that place underneath the brightest blue sky for at least an eternity, trapped in a cycle of harmonious bliss as he dreamed us into existence with the most beautiful tune humming through his Dinosaur lips near that waterfall on Zaylis.

Where he slept. The creator of all creators. Fred, the dinosaur from Auram who had finally discovered the light shining from within…

-Cristoff McGroff-

Oh, Johnny Boy

I foresee the darkest curvature of space,

Darker than the blackest night,

Unseen by any mortal eye,

It looms before us in the face of a Man.

John, my dear boy,

What have they done to you?

Battered and Bruised by your ignorance,

The spirit speaks within.

Your future plans fell broken,

No family left to follow your flame-filled words,

Burned.

Beautifully structured & carved in the finest wooden dentures,

Yes, even those imaginary spaces have failed you.

I witness your shadow pacing those dusty floorboards,

Alone in that fly-infested shack,

Conversing with the buzzing of their broken wings,

As the rest of the world sleeps.

But you, oh dearest Johnny Boy,

Time has left that blank stare you gave me,

Holding the two inch barrel up towards the ceiling,

Oh what will we do when your soul leaves ground?

Assembly & Attachment

-(2:00 AM) Eat 0.32 g of Psilocybe Cubensis stems

I’m basically starting off VERY VERY light with my experimentation with the Lord of the Mushroom Kingdom again. I want to dip my toes in the psychedelic waters, familiarize myself with the body high, the subtle in-betweens, and the pre-trip anxiety that jumps up which just from these two small doses seems fairly non-existent. I wish i could grow these little guys on my own. Create my own crop of these little libraries of knowledge and continue to do weekly or monthly sessions of seeing through their perspective. Learning.

I realized that no one should have any fear of that place the mushrooms take you. They look out for you, take care of you, there’s something about us that they enjoy, and our brains were built to chemically dance with them as serotonin sits back and lets the psilocin take over the neuronal firing in your brain. Fear is illogical here. Love is effervescent. Relax and let go.

The rest of the night while the shrooms were subtly invading my perception, i stood in the bathroom noticing how damn bright the lighting was in there, how i could input a task to be carried out by my visual awareness with thought commands and pick specific shapes out of the soup of garbled reality stuff, the giant uncarved block of Reality… “notice all the flowers on the wall paper” … “pick out all things green” … “focus on anything blue” … then i did the usual where i’m amazed at my reflection and the depth of the mirror. How can i see myself? This magical substance throws back to you an image that is supposed to be you, i don’t understand it, but i guess that is me over there. I’m hanging out with myself on the other side of that invisible forcefield. Unbelievable.

Then i light a candle and a coconut incense stick in my room. Laying down, i watch the smoke dance in the candlelight as it formed into a shadowy tornado on the ceiling that gusted its darkness into the low-light, fighting for control. So symbolic, a metaphor for good and evil right in front of me, secretively symbiotic. The shadows playing on the wall, the short visuals behind my eyes as i drift off into my head, “Beautiful Things are coming”… they said. “Beautiful Things…”

-Those shadows crawled from the ceiling towards the Light where they devoured me…-